My maternal grandmother and her twin had a baby sister named Tavis. Today she would have been 91 years old, and I miss her all the time. She is the one who inspires me to be a well-loved aunt and truth by told, much of how I interact with my 12 nieces and nephews is based on how she made me feel as her great niece. She was always so kind, so genuinely interested in how you were doing, engaged with every person in the room regardless of their age or significance, the most likely to throw her head back in shear delight of the presence of little people, the most enthusiastic hello coming through the door. I miss the sound of her nasally "oh Ge yishe" - her unique and delightful way of saying "gosh". My cousin Jenny does a spot-on impersonation of her, but it's just not the same.I'm not nearly as classy as she was, but I like to think we have other things in common. Some are obvious. We are both the baby girl of the family. We neither have had our own kids though we both love them dearly. I've been single my whole life, and Aunt Tavis spent the last decades of her life single as well after Uncle Jack passed away. She always made it look easy though I'm sure it wasn't. She always had nice things, a job, good friends, fierce loyalty to her family; and though I think she struggled at times, she had a air about her that her life was enough. She was sufficient. (This list may or may not have digressed into ways we were dissimilar.)
I often look to her and wonder how she made it all those years by herself. When I'm stressed and wondering what to do, I wonder what she'd do. Those are usually times when I'm struggling or feel like less than enough, and sometimes God graciously sends me a sign that everything will be ok.
One of Aunt Tavis's favorite things was cardinals. You would find them everywhere around her house and if you wanted to send the perfect gift or card, you needed only look as far as the one with a red bird on it. So when I see a cardinal, I think of her and when it's a particularly stressful time, I consider it a sign, a message from her that I'll be alright.
A couple of weeks after I left my job, I had one of these experiences where I was sure she was sending me a message. It was a day when I was wrestling with what the future would look like and what I ought to do. Outside my living room window, flew the most beautiful cardinal.
"Oh it's a sign! Everything will be ok." I thought with relief. Just then the cardinal took a dive straight into the window, and proceeded to do so several more times.
Definitely, definitely not the sign I was looking for! Though less than comforting, it was amusing.
And then I thought, why do I need a sign? I have a leather-bound letter from my Father full of expressions of His heart for me. It doesn't say that everything will be ok, but it does say that as my Dad He's not going to give me a stone when I need and ask for bread, nor will He serve snake when I'm hoping for fish. He knows how to give good gifts to His children. And more importantly, He's promised to be with us... the greatest gift of all, His presence.
In rare and beautiful moments, He gives you an Aunt Tavis as proof that you are enough, that you can survive and thrive, and life can be full even alone. Most often He gives us a promise. Sometimes He gives you a sign... or just a stupid kamakaze bird to make you laugh.
Happy birthday, Aunt Tavis!